3 crucial things I know about tidying at nearly 40 that I wish I’d known at 20

Moving out of my family home in my 20s was an exciting, freeing adventure. Then I realized full-on 'adulting' had its drawbacks too.

Tidying was firmly among them for me. But a lack of knowledge about how to tidy well and efficiently made me do things the hard way for a long time before I realized that actually, keeping my house in order didn’t have to be so difficult.

Now, teetering at the edge of 40, here’s three crucial tidying tips I wish I had known in my 20s.

1. It should be a team effort

For a long time after moving in with my now husband, I believed if I wanted our home to be tidy, it was up to me to tidy and maintain it. I didn’t want to be a person who nagged my other half, so when he didn’t ‘see’ the mess the same way I did, I didn’t keep asking him to tidy up. Instead, I did his share and mine even though we both worked full time.

But as life went on, and we started a family, this approach was neither feasible nor fair. It was particularly difficult in my case as I have chronic pain and limited mobility and my health declined rapidly after my pregnancy. Now, my other half does at least half his share, if not more when I am feeling unwell, with tidying and chores much more manageable between us.

Professional organizer, Ben Soreff of House To Home Organizing says, ‘In most relationships, from new roommates to spouses, one person tends to be neat and the other messy. Over time, this dynamic leads to an imbalance in chores because the messy person doesn't care as much and the neat person cares too much. Socks on the floor and dishes in the sink get taken care of quickly by the neat person because they can't stand it. This pattern repeats every day and resentment can build.’

If you’re new to living with a partner, friends or housemates, don’t feel you have take on the lion’s share of, well anything. It’s perfectly reasonable to split tidying and other cleaning checklists equally. If you are flying solo, incorporating tidying and cleaning tips when living alone will help you avoid burnout or overwhelm.

The key is communicating calmly, nicely and having a constructive dialogue, either about your needs, the home’s needs or both. Try divvying up rooms, or sorting a daily or weekly tidying rota. Having golden home organizing rules in place that everybody sticks to, such as picking up and placing things near or back in their home as you move around during the day will help too.

And just because someone hasn’t spent a lifetime doing something, or they feel inexperienced in a certain housekeeping skill, it doesn’t mean they (or you) can’t start learning how to tidy right now. All members of your household should have the willingness to learn and improve their skill set. It’s 2025: we’re now officially living in the future and team mindset is more important than ever given how busy, and often how hard, life can be.

Our messy person's guide to being tidy may help pinpoint some obstacles to work on.

Ben admits there are some dynamics however, where the tidying balance will not be even. He explains, ‘Sometimes the messy person never even tries feeling that the neat person enjoys it or is better at it. The only real way to handle this challenge is to prevent it from happening in the first place. However, no matter how many rules like a chore chart you put in place, human nature will probably take over and the dynamic will backslide. My best advice is to make peace with the cleaning imbalance and make the neat person get something else in return.’

Other times, it’s not a lack of willingness to tidy that gets in the way. Ben says, ‘In our client's homes, we often see a desire to tidy up but not only are they missing organizing ideas and systems, making the chore impossible, they sometimes are missing basic products, too. Additionally, we often see too small or missing trash and recycle bins. Think about the volume of trash and recycling a family is going to generate in a day and make sure your structures can support the volume.'

2. Little and often adds up

Chipping away at any big job will eventually start adding up to tangible results and tidying is no different. I moved out of my family home nearly 20 years ago, and at the beginning, spent hours every weekend tidying my home from top to bottom.

Now, with a busy job, a family to look after and chronic pain that doesn’t give me even an hour’s respite, little and often works just fine. I do adaptive pacing for cleaning to allow me to tackle housework even when fatigued and in pain.

I just wish I had known in my 20s that it’s OK to stop, rest, and break down big tidying tasks into smaller, more manageable ones. You don’t have to complete everything in one go. Try the five messes tidying challenge to get started or use the one-touch tidying rule to keep things simple.

Ben adds, ‘Organizing is not about stuff – it is about time and manual labor. Most people don't set aside the proper amount of time to tackle an organizing project. The result is that life gets in the way, you get interrupted and the area is left more of a mess than if you never started. Some people are all go, go, go and they just start, to get it over with. This created the expression, if you don't like doing it once, you aren't gonna like doing it twice. Try Slow is Smooth and Smooth is Fast. When you throw in the manual aspect of home projects and any mobility issues, not only will you need to take breaks you should probably get someone to help.’

Ben’s right. I ask for help now, whereas in my 20s, I wouldn’t have dreamt of it, even when I was struggling physically, or in recovery from surgery. Hyper-independence was not good for me and I wish I had realized it wasn’t necessary either.

3. It doesn’t need to be perfect

I used to push myself to exhaustion with tidying and cleaning, and unsurprisingly, it wasn’t very fun. It made me stressed when little things were out of place as I strove to make my home look like nobody lived there.

Now, it’s tidy and just fine, but perfection is no longer a thing I thrive for and you shouldn’t either. There is a reason human beings aren’t perfect, so expecting fault-free tidying perfectionism isn’t realistic or necessary. In fact, it's one of the things professional organizers urge us to stop doing.

Ben adds, ‘When it comes to cleaning and even some organizing projects, perfect is the enemy of done. I have seen people throw clothes on the floor because they want the perfect dresser for their bedroom. However, the item they are imagining doesn't exist. There is also a difference between daily tidying and deep tidying. Nail down the everyday quick organizing tasks and plan a thorough decluttering challenge when you can set aside the correct amount of time.’

Give yourself the grace that is needed so you can really enjoy your home and find balance between tidying up all the time and living. The same applies to other chores such as cleaning your kitchen and DIY projects in your home. It is fine for these things to happen over time, room by room, section by section, with breaks in the middle.

Your home is likely to always be a work in progress as your needs, time, physical capability, taste and budget change. For a heads up on where to focus your cleaning energy, the things professional cleaners always notice in dirty homes will help when prioritizing your chores.